


of course we had dreams together

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Just a little bit of angst though, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Pre-Relationship, Slice of Life, alex being gay and sad basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:35:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lewis hums. ‘No one who is actually fine ever says that they’re fine.’Goddamn it. Alex should have known better than to try keeping anything from him. Lewis knows him far too well. That’s just what happens when two people spend the best part of two months talking pretty much 24/7. Even if it is through a screen.
Relationships: Lewis Buchan/Alex Elmslie
Comments: 4
Kudos: 104





	of course we had dreams together

**Author's Note:**

> i am just very soft for these boys
> 
> also the tag needs some love so i am here to provide
> 
> this is the first thing i have written for these two, but emotionally-repressed lads who don't sleep are kind of my jam so enjoy alex being sad and gay
> 
> title from darlin' by goodbye june because someone - not naming any names - said it was a lewis/alex song and now i'm crying

Alex shoves himself away from his desk and pushes one hand through his hair. It’s almost too long, but at least it doesn’t hang in his eyes like this. And it’s not like getting it cut is an option right now anyway. He glances between the sun starting to leak through the curtains and the unfinished video on his computer screen. Though he’s been at it most of the night, it is still nowhere even close to done. It just sucks. He sucks. He is a fucking awful YouTuber and should just give up because no one cares about his videos anyway.

He shakes his head. That’s not true. People do care. Over 2 million people care. And 2 million is a hell of a lot of people to disappoint.

His phone buzzes somewhere buried in the duvet of the bed he hasn’t touched for nearly 36 hours. God, the things he would do for a nap. A week-long one. With absolutely no distractions. Except possibly someone to cuddle with. Someone tall with dimples and a lovely smile. Maybe not just any someone.

The buzzing comes again; he presses his fingertips to his temples then drags his hands down his face. His legs shake slightly as he stands from his chair and he has to grab the desk for support. Note to self, he thinks. Don’t sit in the same spot for like 12 hours straight. Alex digs his phone out from under the covers and looks at the screen. It’s Lewis. Despite how shit he feels, his stomach still flutters at the sight. It’s not him, he thinks to himself forcefully. It’s just because I haven’t eaten in ages.

The grin that meets Alex when he answers the call is even brighter than the sunlight coming through the curtains. But, instead of blinding him like the sun does every morning, it just warms him all the way through.

‘Hullo, you.’ Lewis’s voice is as warming as his grin.

One side of Alex’s mouth quirks up in his own weak attempt at a smile in return. ‘Hey yourself.’

‘How are you on this fine and sunny morning?’

‘I’m alright,’ Alex replies as he slumps against the headboard.

The way Lewis’s forehead wrinkles is obvious even in the slightly grainy image on the phone screen. Alex sighs and squeezes his eyes shut for a second. If Lewis asks him how he is again, he might just cry. He’d been on the verge since about the 7-hour mark of editing. It won’t take much to tip him right over the edge.

‘Excuse me, mister,’ Lewis says. ‘Care to explain what’s wrong?’

Alex closes his eyes tight as his heart squeezes in his chest. He was right. That is almost unbearable.

‘Nothing, Lew, I’m fine.’

Lewis hums. ‘No one who is actually fine ever says that they’re fine.’

Goddamn it. Alex should have known better than to try keeping anything from him. Lewis knows him far too well. That’s just what happens when two people spend the best part of two months talking pretty much 24/7. Even if it is through a screen.

‘Alex,’ he says softly like he’s talking to a nervous animal. Normally, it just would have pissed Alex off. Normally, if it came from anyone but Lewis. But instead, all it does is remind him how much he loves a Scottish accent. When it’s Lewis’s. And he’s saying Alex’s name that way. Or calling him –

‘Darling.’

That.

His face flushes. He doesn’t know why Lewis started calling him that. It just slipped out one time on call at 3 am. And then it stuck. For some reason. Alex tries not to think too hard about why it stuck. Because it probably has something to do with the way he reacted, and he should not be held accountable for the ways he reacts to very nice young men flirting with him at 3 o’clock in the morning. Part of him thinks he should let Lewis in on the fact that most mates don’t call each other stuff like darling. But Lewis might stop if he did.

Alex isn’t sure if the zoning out has more to do with the pet name or the lack of sleep, but either way, it takes him a good few seconds to tune back into what Lewis is saying.

‘You gonna tell me then?’ he asks but it’s not really a question. There’s no chance he’ll let Alex get away with not answering for a third time.

‘Just didn’t really sleep.’

He might have to answer, but that doesn’t mean he won’t downplay how bad it is. He doesn’t want to annoy Lewis, that’s all. Or disappoint him. Or make him feel like Alex is a kid that needs looking after.

‘You didn’t sleep well last night?’ Lewis checks.

Goddamn it. Keeping things from him is impossible.

He sighs. ‘Didn’t sleep at all last night.’

‘Alex.’ He doesn’t sound properly disappointed, mostly just concerned.

Even though he’s got George who is, admittedly, pretty good at keeping him alive most of the time, it still surprises Alex a little bit when other people care about him. Like when James makes him text when he gets home from a night out. Or how Fraser will sometimes send him random photos of Kenji to make him smile. Or Will’s insistence on messing up Alex’s hair every single time he sees him.

Alex sinks further into his bed, the material of his hoodie gathering under his chin as his head tips forwards. It’s an awful angle, but Alex knows that Lewis doesn’t care.

And Alex wouldn’t care even if he did. Obviously. Because mates don’t care what other mates think about the angle they facetime at. Or whatever.

‘Alex, you have to sleep,’ Lewis says.

‘I was editing,’ Alex snaps back. He’s aware that he sounds like a child, but he’s tired and a little bit grumpy and he can’t help it.

‘I know and I’m proud of you.’ He doesn’t even mention the sharpness of Alex’s voice. Not that it matters anyway. He softened all the rough edges to nothing with three simple words.

Lewis continues, ‘Editing is important. But so is sleep, you know that.’

‘I know that.’

Alex knows that he shouldn’t let Lewis be this soft with him. Should call him a melt or a nonce and then hang up. He needs to get back to the unfinished video still open on his computer. That isn’t why he should stop him though. He should stop him because it’s already going to hurt so much when Lewis realises that flirting with Alex isn’t fun anymore. But Alex hasn’t had anything like this before. He loves the boys, but soft isn’t a word he would use to describe any of them.

‘How ‘bout you sleep now, yeah?’

Alex shrugs and slides further down until his head is almost on the pillow. ‘Don’t wanna stop talking to you.’

‘Won’t go anywhere, promise,’ he murmurs. ‘Just lie down, yeah? Get comfy.’

‘M’kay.’ Alex sits up a little more and pulls his hoodie and t-shirt over his head. Lewis makes a strangled noise and Alex leans over the phone. ‘What?’

‘Nothing,’ Lewis replies, but his eyes are darting everywhere but at Alex and his cheeks are faintly dusted with pink. Alex glances down at his now bare chest and swears silently.

‘Sorry,’ he says, chucking his phone to the other side of his bed and crawling under the covers.

‘No, no, it’s OK,’ Lewis says. ‘Just surprised me, is all.’

‘You’re not gonna hang up, are you?’ Alex asks as he grabs his phone from between the sheets and balances it on the pillow. If he lies down next to it and squints, then he can still just about make out Lewis’s face.

‘Not gonna hang up, no.’

‘And you’re gonna talk to me, right?’ He knows that he sounds like a child – all desperate and clingy – but he’s too tired to care. And Lewis doesn’t seem to mind.  
His eyes are heavy and, as he sinks further into the pillow, he struggles more and more to keep them open. Even the sunlight streaming through the curtains doesn’t seem so bad.

‘Course I’ll talk to ya,’ Lewis says. ‘Cannae stop me.’

He’s exaggerating his accent a bit – it’s even stronger than normal. Alex lets out a sleepy giggle and buries his face in the pillow as he pulls the duvet up to his chin.

‘What d’you want me to talk about?’ he continues. His voice is still so soft. It seeps through the speakers and wraps around Alex like a hug. He’s never really felt like this before and he wishes – really, really wishes – that Lewis was here right now. He gives possibly the world’s best hugs, Alex thinks. And I miss them.

‘Alex, darling?’ he says. ‘You still there?’

‘I’m still ‘ere,’ he murmurs. It barely sounds like words but, when he sneaks a peek at his phone screen, Lewis is smiling warmly.

‘Good. So, any topics of choice?’

‘Don’t care, just wanna hear your voice.’

It is far too soft to say in the light of day and if he were more awake then he never would have dared to say it. But the need for sleep was rapidly disintegrating his self-preservation instincts – the ones that told him not to say shit like that.

‘Well, aren’t you lovely?’ Lewis says. It’s not really a question, but he sort of makes it sound like one.

‘Shu’up,’ Alex replies. Only so much softness is allowed, even in his half-asleep state, and that just about crosses the line.

‘You want me to shut up?’ Lewis says with a laugh. ‘Want me not to tell you how lovely you are?’

It takes Alex a second to work out exactly what Lewis means, but as soon as he does, he knows that no. He doesn’t want him not to tell him that. The double negatives are making his head hurt. What he means is that he actually does want Lewis to keep calling him lovely. And darling. And saying his name in that unbearably soft way. And –

He’s still talking. Alex isn’t really listening to the words, but Lewis’s voice feels like a massive hug even through the slightly tinny speakers. Now he’s thinking about Lewis hugs. And what it might be like to actually have Lewis in his bed with him rather than through a screen balanced on his pillow. Obviously, that couldn’t happen right now. But maybe he could have the next best thing.

‘Hey, Lew?’ he murmurs. Lewis pauses in the middle of his sentence.

‘Yeah?’

‘You should send me a hoodie.’

It’s out there, he’s said it now. No way that Lewis can misunderstand that.

‘Merch one?’

Maybe he can.

Alex bites his lip. He could take it back. Say yes. Wearing one another’s merch is normal. They all do that already. It wouldn’t be weird. But that isn’t what he meant. He doesn’t want a merch hoodie to wear in videos. What he wants is a Lewis hoodie to wear in bed. And everywhere else. One that will cover him almost down to his knees. One that will hang over his hands. One that will feel like being wrapped in Lewis’s long arms whilst they’re apart.

That’s not what friends do though. And that’s what they are. That’s what they’re still saying they are. At least, that’s what Lewis is still that they are. Alex, on the other hand, has never spent whole days on facetime to a friend before. Or anyone else, for that matter. He can normally about two hours before he runs out of things to say. But not with Lewis.

‘Al? A merch one?’

The pillow rustles as Alex shakes his head.

‘No,’ he mumbles. His heart feels a little like it’s about to beat out of his chest. ‘A you one. Like, one of yours.’

‘Oh,’ Lewis says. ‘You really wanna replace one of your big man Gucci hoodies with one of my cheap ones?’

‘Shut up.' Alex pulls the duvet over his head and leans closer to the phone. 'Yes please.’

‘D’you mind which one?’

Alex thinks for a moment. ‘A big one.’

Lewis lets out something too soft and sweet to be a laugh. ‘Alright, darling. I’ll send it soon as I can, ‘kay?’

‘M’kay.’ He buries his face in the duvet to hide the blush that has burst over his face.

‘Gonna look so cute in it.'

Lewis’s voice is so soft that Alex isn’t sure he was supposed to hear that. His stomach flips like it always does when Lewis says stuff like that. It always stops him short and takes all the words out his mouth. Will would say that Alex never knows how to shut up, but he obviously hasn’t seen Alex when Lewis calls him gorgeous. 

Still, he doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t say anything, and Lewis just keeps talking about whatever. Like he isn't pretty much wrecking Alex every time he speaks.

‘Sleep now, yeah?’ he says. ‘For real this time.’

‘Yes, sir,’ Alex murmurs with a laugh. Even without seeing him, he knows that Lewis just rolled his eyes. Despite saying yes, he’s determined not to fall asleep. Doesn’t want to give up precious talking to Lewis-time and he still has half a video to edit.

But, it isn’t long before Lewis’s voice fades to a pleasant background hum. Alex is listening enough to know that Lewis is telling him a story about something Cody did. To begin with, he was humming and laughing at all the right points, but the warmth of Lewis’s voice combined with the warmth of his duvet made it hard to focus. He struggles to keep his eyes open and, as they fall closed, he isn’t sure if he’s awake or asleep or somewhere in between, hovering between the two in that slightly magic place. He can still hear the rise and fall of Lewis’s voice, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t fallen asleep. It wouldn’t be the first time he had dreamt about Lewis. And it definitely wouldn’t be the last.

There’s a long pause then possibly a dream-Lewis takes a deep breath.

‘I love you, Alex. Like really, really love you.’

Definitely a dream. Real-Lewis only says that as a joke. Or not a joke, but he doesn’t mean it like that. Not like dream-Lewis does. Not like Alex does.

After a few moments, dream-Lewis continues, ‘Sweet dreams, darling.’

‘Always sweet when you’re in them,’ Alex murmurs. ‘And I love you too. Proper love you.’

Dream-Lewis might reply, but Alex doesn’t hear him. He’s properly asleep now, even though he wasn’t planning on it. Even though he wanted to stay in that magic in-between place where it’s easiest to pretend that Lewis loves him back.


End file.
